Blog #46: My Cursed Birthdays--Part two

I'm going to start this blog by saying that I am a different person than I was when I was younger; I have done things I am not proud of, and am only human. That being said, I'm going to begin talking about the birthday I spent with a serial abuser. First, a little background information--I had moved to a place closer to the Connecticut border of Rhode Island. I was living and working there at a couple local places but eventually I had met a guy that we are going to call Tanner. 

I had met Tanner through a friend who was his cousin, at the time weed was illegal so Tanner's cousin (my friend) was the local guy. Well, that being said, we met and hung out a few times and really hit it off, Tanner and I. His cousin told me he was crazy, and I should not pursue anything with him--I should have listened but I was lonely. 

This was a couple of years after I had left my fiancee, a woman whom I was ready to devote my life to, and I had not really dated much. Mostly I was focused on money, and saving it. So, against my better judgment, I pushed forward and went the romantic route with Tanner. Big mistake. The first few dates were fine, honestly there were a few warning signs, but nothing that really set off any major alarms. I can't really judge someone for having anger issues, as I have my own and everyone has their reasons, but its how you get those feelings under control that matters. 

Anyway, my first birthday with this jerkwad was where we were going, and yes there was one more spent with him that wasn't much better. I had moved in with him at this point, because it was more financially a stable situation and geographically it was closer to my work. The horrors I faced in that house year round were, traumatizing to say the least--and I escaped, thank christ, but it was difficult. 

We had a bedroom at the top of the house, above our bedroom was an attic with so much antique crap overloading it, that the foundation was literally unstable. If a bug landed on it one day the wrong way? It literally could have crushed us. His mother made me pay rent. For that. Anyhow, I spent most of my birthday locked in my room because I was a lying slut. Mind you, I wasn't the slut, he was the one constantly cheating while he was drunk. But he was controlling who I could hang out with these days. I wasn't allowed any guy friends, at all. So my weed dealers were cut in more than half. 

I had to wait all day in the attic where he locked me, where if I moved too much I might fall through the floor. I was hungry, I had to pee, and I really really wanted to smoke but when he got home he wanted to fuck. I didn't want to, in fact, I never really wanted to at this point. But who could blame me. I just couldn't escape. So I relented, and let him have me. When he was done, I took a shower, and took off as fast as I could so he couldn't follow me.   

I sold his playstation one and final fantasy game for weed money, because he always took mine--and FUCK HIM. Then I went to a guy I knew that sold and bought a fat sack. I stopped and got some blunts and went to my friend Gregs place. He threw down, we both got drunk and we gamed until I couldn't see straight. Then I walked to my friend K's house and we had a good time. By the time I smoked the whole sack, because if I hadn't he would have taken that too. I also had some money, from some friends that I had seen along the way that had given me cards. I threw away the cards because if he had found those he would have known I had money. NOPE. I hid that shit. Lying and sneaky? Maybe, but he was controlling manipulative and really compelled to ruin my life. 

That night he locked me out and I slept in the park. Guess he figured out I sold his play station and final fantasy game, but I didn't give a fuck. It was cold, and the sprinklers wet my shit. I wasn't let back into a place I paid rent at, until around noon the next day--when I had to come in, shower, and get ready for work. Not a lot of sleep was had.  

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

See you tomorrow for another birthday memory. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! peace, love, and marshmallows. PS my birthday these days are not nearly as terrible. Sorry its hard to get these out to be honest. There is stuff I left out for obvious reasons, but man, perspective is a bitch. 32....you're gonna be my year--I swear it. 

Danii Grimm

PS pictures are recent not from the story. Happy trails!! xo