Diary of Danii Grimm: Blog Post #14: Goodbye Sir Barkin You Won't Be Missed

This is "Sir Barkin" the piece of shit Alienware that I inherited from a pawn shop two years ago. I don't know much about his previous owner beyond his name, and the fact that he mishandled and mistreated this plastic box of pain in the ass garbage because it hasn't worked correctly since I bought it. But here is what I DO know, Sir Barkin is seven years old, his fan was on its way out when I got him, and he came with camera and mic issues, as well as an external cd drive (which I what the fucked about all the way home).

But Danii, why the fuck did you name it Sir Barkin?

Well, Susie, that's a good question. The answer is Im a strange and unusual creature who was born with the very strange ability to love inanimate objects nearly as much as I would love say....a cat, or a person. Not to say I cant separate from everything, just certain things I am very close to-that are apart of every day life, like say-a computer! So, as it would have it, I've been giving names to inanimate things for a looong time (dont get me started on wild animals we come across regularly). But why Sir Barkin? Simple. Lord Barkis is a complete shit from the movie Corpse Bride and this thing has been a complete shit since it wound up in my arms! But I loved him just the same.

I have had few computers or machines in my life that have made my life absolute hell with its supposed convenience. Shoot me please. And before anyone asks, yes I use female names as well. The tablet Im currently working on in this brief intermission between hardware has a name too. It's Tabitha. My fallout homies will get that one. For those of you who dont though, theres this: Tabitha

So what has Sir Barkin done to me in our time together? He has slowly committed suicide on me.

Let me further explain...For those of you that know me personally, youre well aware of the fact that I am a writer. Since I was a young girl I have taken as many writing courses I could and filled my head with knowledge as often as I possibly could (still am doing that by the way) so that I could properly hone my skills. I found I loved all forms of creative and artistic writing, and I hated things that were formal like reports or journalism. Which is fine, everyone in the writing community finds their niche and sits in it happily. I do the same, only venturing into other things occasionally to challenge myself. SO, and I'm finally just getting to my point, I brought Sir Barkin home because I write. I have a novel I have been writing for years now, and I need something to write it on.

My former computer Delvin, was sold at the same pawn shop I purchased Sir Barkin at, because my family was in a bad place then and we needed the money. Delvin truly was a blessing and a curse; a blessing because he was the best WINDOWS computer I had hands down ever owned. a curse because he was the only piece of any of my things that I had that was worth any actual value. SO, I ended up with Sir Barkin, which is literally half his size and not nearly as good, sometime down the line after losing my beloved Delvin.

I have never had a Windows 7 disc but never had a computer like Sir Barkin that so badly needed one to reformat. It literally cant reset without them, though I know most can. But you gotta understand in

computer years, Sir Barkin is a senior citizen. He's senile and his body parts are failing. The first thing to go on him was his fan. It's small, it's dinky, I have a cat and his hair gets in there....oh, and the pawn shop I got it from left it running for hours and hours on a shelf with no ventilation. I cannot express this enough, I had Barkin on life support for over a year. See that fan under him? Year, he NEEDS that. And yea I am poor thanks for asking. At least Im poor, and handy.

Now it would seem we're at a crossroads. Sir Barkin will either struggle for hours, yes hours, to turn on.

Or he will turn on in a flash, but as soon as you operate any program it will infinitely freeze and then error out and never come out of it, which forces me to hard reset. As you can imagine, that is very very stressful and upsetting but Im just sitting on that frustration because Sir Barkin will get what's coming to him, mark my words! That

being said, keep an eye out for the future video I have planned that I'm thinking of titling, " La mort et l'ordinateur." It'll be a riveting production by yours truly, filmed by my hubby Raith Mourn starring myself and Sir Barkin. I cannot wait. Nah, Im being overdramatic but itll be fun to beat the shit out of this thing with a bat to relieve some pent up stress.

Out with the old, and in with the new! Yaaaay Im getting a macbook in a week. She's a lil older, but not as old as Barkin so there's that, and Im not sure what to name her yet because I need to use her. Oh, and please keep your apple product hating comments to yourself. The best computer I ever owned ever was a MacBook, and I will stand by a quality product. It will do everything I need it to do, and spells out magnificent opportunities for videos and pictures for the future of my blog/vlog! Im very excited! I promise Ill post pics, or a video when it arrives!