Blog #48: My Cursed Birthdays--Part four

Oi that last blog was the hardest one I wrote so far so this blog I'm going to try and give you a lite version of one of my birthdays so I can give the ole ticker a rest on the heartache. I guess I'll tell you about the time we (some friends and I) went to the reservoir to swim for my birthday. It's more funny than anything but we encountered quite a bit of bad luck that day--and to this day it's a going joke that I was the rain cloud over that day. Honestly though, if I hadn't gone, the same shit would have gone down I just wouldn't have been apart of it so I SAY--its more I'm a victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

With that being said, the names and names of places will be slightly altered for the safety and privacy of others--and now we begin...

Most state reservoir's have a big ole sign posted that says no swimming--for good reason imho. There are a few places like this you can go to both in and just outside of RI. So, when my friends and I had nothing to do and needed something low budget because we were broke--we made low budget lunches and went out for a swim. There's a few things that led up to this.

Firstly, I had been recently robbed and didn't have enough money to finish my year out in school--so I had to drop out a few days prior to this. My supposed friend that robbed me took priceless irreplaceable things with tremendous sentimental value--I did not get them back. Worst part? I had no proof it was my friend, until she sold my stuff and the police caught her. Again, this was after my stuff was sold and they were sold to a person with a not up to date phone number so that was super cool to find out. Because I was robbed, most of my money--which had been sitting in my room by my bed in an envelope for rent, was gone. I was living with four other guys, at the time, but they had to replace me as a roommate--and quick, because none of them could fork over the extra money for rent. Which sucked. I took what I had left, packed it up, and moved to a friend's couch that weekend. With my cat.

Our tire blew out on the way to the reservoir, and my friend Jake had to replace it with a donut. On the way to the water, we had to walk briefly through the woods, and were swiped with many plants--including, we would find out later, poison ivy. After Indiana Jonesing our way through the shrubbery we made it to the water and I climbed up on a big rock. I sat there on a towel and started to smoke while everyone else peeled off their clothing and quickly jumped inside.

I scraped my knee pretty badly on the giant fucking rock while I was climbing up it--and was even bleeding a bit but only dabbed it with my towel and rinsed it with the bottle of water I had with me. We were there for about an hour when my friend Eddie started yelling and freaking out in the water. My other friend Jake swam to him and my friend Kayla was there shortly after them.

"Get in here and help us!" They were telling me and I just laughed and shook my head. "NO
PE." I said with no fucking intention of getting in the water, especially with them screaming like that.

Keep in mind, this was in the days were cell phones weren't really a thing.

But as I had a fear of drowning, because I had in the past almost drowned a few times, and I didn't swim well I didn't want to go in. Then with the way my friend was screaming I was DEFINITELY not going in, no fucking way.

So when they made it to shore I wandered over and gave them my towel to help with the bleeding on his leg which was swelling and we were all freaked out. Apparently he'd been bitten by something in the water, he claimed it was a water snake of some sort and was freaking out. Which, those of you who know anything about poisonous bites and snakes, you know that freaking out is not the way to go...anyhow....


We headed back through the woods, with that idiot prick sweating and mumbling while my friends were being his crutches and I unlocked the car. Then my friend Jake says, "I have a couple tabs of acid in the glovebox. If we drive out of here and get caught, we can't have those....but I was expecting to have a smoother ride into it."

My eyes, were the size of saucers but he gave us all two tabs and we ate them. He drove out of the grove we were parked in, and onto the maintenance road we took, to the highway. Eddie was wailing in the back holding his wound like a baby, and before you ask--yes he had some acid too. At first I thought, okay this is a dud batch and that's fine. But by the time we got to the hospital it had started to fucking kick in and I'm talking at epic proportions.

The paramedics came out to greet Jake who was trying, and failing, to explain what happened. I got out and shouted, "The idiot was bitten by a snake!" then got back into the car and eventually so did Jake. We left Eddie. Bye dude.

He was on his own....but I forgot one wicked epic stupid hilarious thing my friend Jake did before we even made it to the car at the reservoir. He attempted to "suck the venom" out of our friend Eddie's leg, and his lips grew to the size of fucking grapefruit and we were cracking the fuck up. The paramedics kept asking him if he got bitten and if he needed to be seen but Jake just kept saying over and over again, "no its cool man im cool."

Our trip out of the er onto the freeway was fucking scary and epic. It felt like the lights were blurring together and I was going warp speed into another dimension. And when we got on the highway the lights looked so much like flying saucers that I wasn't the only one who thought that is what they were. My idiot friend Kayla kept saying over and over, "Take me home et!" and then pointing up at them and laughing a weird laugh I had never even heard out of her. Meanwhile Jake was sweating and starting to freak out so I asked him if we should turn around and go back to he hospital.

"No I always react like this on acid."

What fool? Why do you do it then?

Meanwhile, I'm on the chillest fucking ride of my life. With unicorns with fire manes fucking pulling my epic hearse shaped car carriage through the neon rainbows to candy fucking mountain. I think the best part about my birthday, was how incredibly fucking high I was for the amount of stupid that happened.

We got pulled over and my friend Jake passed out, LOL, before the cop came to the window. We shook him awake, and then he got arrested for a DUI. We were told to walk home, they didn't even ask for our id. And then after all that, we were told he was sent to the hospital for treatment--and was charged IN THE HOSPITAL. I'm dead. Anyhow my friend Kayla and I walked home that night and it was something like 5 hours of an epic quest.

At some point I lost track of her and she came back with like a boa and some lipstick and she told me that she ran into an old gay friend and we both geeked about that. I was shocked she had found me, but I don't know why because honestly I was on the main roads and easy to find. What should have shocked me, was that she got OUT OF A CAR, when she found me, and we continued to walk home. smdh. Kids, don't do drugs. Unless you want to see some fucking incredibly insane colors on a journey to your soul. No seriously, don't do drugs.



Thanks for following along! have a truly perfect day.

xx happy trails xx

D. Grimm

Blog #47: My Cursed Birthdays--Part three

Okay my dearests here again for another horrible birthday experience. I know my birthday came and went but I've been so fucking busy doing everything that I just haven't been able to keep up. As this is my third story, you can expect two more from me. I am not sure yet how I'm going to release them (as in a time frame) but I'll get back to yall on that when it's time. After that I'm going to write about my birthday this year, which we actually physically celebrated on the 17th instead of the 12th and that? That was fucking fabulous I must say--but I digress...

It was my 14th birthday and man I couldn't fucking wait to celebrate. I don't know why though because I've had a history of bad luck on that day, but my guess is because it was a time that my nana and grandpa had agreed to take me, my cousins, and some of my friends with me to see a movie. What did we go see? Vertical Limit. Don't fucking judge me. I wanted to see that shit.

Anyhow, as far as birthdays were going this one was topping off to be a nice one. But I fucking failed math and my grandfather pretty much called me a piece of shit failure to my face in so many words and my heart was broken. Every other subject I had gotten an A on, and as he delved out my summer money (an incentive of his to get good grades) I took it bitterly. But he told me I didn't deserve my birthday party, uhm???? Thanks grandpa. I don't deserve to celebrate the day I was born? You as cold as ice.

Anyway I still got to go, because what it came down to was--everything was in motion already. The theater was reserved, the restaurant was reserved for dinner after and all of my friends and cousins were rsvp'ed and on their way. All of my friends. Listen to me. HA! like I had more than four. Sorry...I didn't mean to deceive you. I had four friends come with me, and my four cousins. So there ya go....a party of

about 8 children/teens and an older adult. That's the mental image.

This was the one birthday I had decided not to spend with my grandmother, she is different than my nana. My nana, is my grandfathers second wife. Step grandmother if you will. My grandmother, who was more a mother than my real mother my entire life, was my mother's mother. When I got home from the theater I was greeted to news that my grandmother had fallen in the shower. She was 52 years old, so...I mean Ill let you be the judge of how scary that was--but 52 is just not that old and you know what? It was scary and confusing. 

I went about my business, and when everyone left the next day for the party I called my grandmother but we still had so many questions. Little did we know, was the beginning of the worst fucking time of our lives. In the coming months we found out she had been cultivating a cancerous bundle inside her brain for years and because insurance was so bad and she had none, she had let every single warning sign go unnoticed.

This woman. Meant the world to me. My life quickly became some black hole that was vastly sucking everything I loved and cherished into it--and I was powerless to stop it. So we marched forward and my grandmothers health rapidly declined. She went through chemo, she went through surgery, and slowly I lost the strongest warrior I have ever known to a disease that literally ate her from the inside out. It was hard to watch. The only thing in those days that kept me sane was some music and artists I held very close to me at the time, I honestly don't know what I would have done without it.

A year later, I lost her. My entire world spiraled out of control the moment my mother opened her mouth to tell me the news. I was a mixture of feelings; I was livid that the doctor that she had been in the care of had been so fucking cocky that he would save her, that he assured us over and over again that she would be fine. I was betrayed that my mother had not allowed me to be there for her more often in her sickness, because I was stuck home cleaning or taking care of my sisters and brother. But most of all I was heartbroken because I had lost my true mommy.

I was 15 years old, and I had lost her forever. I didn't let the heart break really hit me though, until I visited her grave. I wasn't allowed at the funeral because my mothers a heartless cunt. Mid-year that year I had moved out of my dysfunctional mothers house and started renting a room with an older woman. I had two jobs, I slung weed on the side--when I was much younger...and still went to school. That was an emotional roller-coaster in my life and you know what? I wasn't an angel 100% but I had my reasons.

After I moved out it was like my family, who had basically treated me like the bastard outcast I was my entire life--had finally officially disowned me. I wasn't their problem any longer--and you know what, my life was thrust into an absolute darkness for a long time. It was something I had to work through alone, and still--thinking back to these days, I wonder if everything I did was right. Maybe not everything, but I am human. No one remembered my birthday after that except two people. My aunt and my cousin. It "hurt too much" to think of my birthday because it fell in the month of my grandmothers unfortunate incident, and yet the other three July birthdays do not go unacknowledged.

That's okay though.

I know on my birthday, the one who is sitting there rubbing my back while I'm having a pity party by myself--or more accurately, with my little family....is my grandmother. Smiling, as she's trying to tell me it will be okay, and I'm doing alright. I feel her here with me always. I know she is here in the things I say and do, and I can feel her when I need her most. These days, my birthday have been rapidly getting more and more better and honestly I can't tell you why that's happened because I don't know. But I'm not going to question it, would you?

Thanks for sticking out the read guys! Talk to you next time.   💙 xo Stay kind. xo  💙


💙💙D. Grimm.💙💙

Blog #46: My Cursed Birthdays--Part two

I'm going to start this blog by saying that I am a different person than I was when I was younger; I have done things I am not proud of, and am only human. That being said, I'm going to begin talking about the birthday I spent with a serial abuser. First, a little background information--I had moved to a place closer to the Connecticut border of Rhode Island. I was living and working there at a couple local places but eventually I had met a guy that we are going to call Tanner. 

I had met Tanner through a friend who was his cousin, at the time weed was illegal so Tanner's cousin (my friend) was the local guy. Well, that being said, we met and hung out a few times and really hit it off, Tanner and I. His cousin told me he was crazy, and I should not pursue anything with him--I should have listened but I was lonely. 

This was a couple of years after I had left my fiancee, a woman whom I was ready to devote my life to, and I had not really dated much. Mostly I was focused on money, and saving it. So, against my better judgment, I pushed forward and went the romantic route with Tanner. Big mistake. The first few dates were fine, honestly there were a few warning signs, but nothing that really set off any major alarms. I can't really judge someone for having anger issues, as I have my own and everyone has their reasons, but its how you get those feelings under control that matters. 

Anyway, my first birthday with this jerkwad was where we were going, and yes there was one more spent with him that wasn't much better. I had moved in with him at this point, because it was more financially a stable situation and geographically it was closer to my work. The horrors I faced in that house year round were, traumatizing to say the least--and I escaped, thank christ, but it was difficult. 

We had a bedroom at the top of the house, above our bedroom was an attic with so much antique crap overloading it, that the foundation was literally unstable. If a bug landed on it one day the wrong way? It literally could have crushed us. His mother made me pay rent. For that. Anyhow, I spent most of my birthday locked in my room because I was a lying slut. Mind you, I wasn't the slut, he was the one constantly cheating while he was drunk. But he was controlling who I could hang out with these days. I wasn't allowed any guy friends, at all. So my weed dealers were cut in more than half. 

I had to wait all day in the attic where he locked me, where if I moved too much I might fall through the floor. I was hungry, I had to pee, and I really really wanted to smoke but when he got home he wanted to fuck. I didn't want to, in fact, I never really wanted to at this point. But who could blame me. I just couldn't escape. So I relented, and let him have me. When he was done, I took a shower, and took off as fast as I could so he couldn't follow me.   

I sold his playstation one and final fantasy game for weed money, because he always took mine--and FUCK HIM. Then I went to a guy I knew that sold and bought a fat sack. I stopped and got some blunts and went to my friend Gregs place. He threw down, we both got drunk and we gamed until I couldn't see straight. Then I walked to my friend K's house and we had a good time. By the time I smoked the whole sack, because if I hadn't he would have taken that too. I also had some money, from some friends that I had seen along the way that had given me cards. I threw away the cards because if he had found those he would have known I had money. NOPE. I hid that shit. Lying and sneaky? Maybe, but he was controlling manipulative and really compelled to ruin my life. 

That night he locked me out and I slept in the park. Guess he figured out I sold his play station and final fantasy game, but I didn't give a fuck. It was cold, and the sprinklers wet my shit. I wasn't let back into a place I paid rent at, until around noon the next day--when I had to come in, shower, and get ready for work. Not a lot of sleep was had.  

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

See you tomorrow for another birthday memory. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! peace, love, and marshmallows. PS my birthday these days are not nearly as terrible. Sorry its hard to get these out to be honest. There is stuff I left out for obvious reasons, but man, perspective is a bitch. 32....you're gonna be my year--I swear it. 

Danii Grimm

PS pictures are recent not from the story. Happy trails!! xo

Blog #45: My Cursed Birthdays--Part one

Ladies and Gentleman my accursed birthday falls every year on July 12; that's right, I know....I'm a pretty transparent cancer as far as cancer's go but, eh what do you know? I'm me. I'm emotional, I'm a hot mess sometimes, but I'm genuine. Normally, I do not like to come out of my safety shell on or leading up to the days of my birthday and here's why. For some reason, every single year, save for a very few precious years that I managed to get a few things I really wanted without anything going wrong---Murphy's law finds me.

Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

Oh boy, and I'm not kidding either, but I wish I was.

When I was a young child, no one paid me very much attention (especially not my mother), except for my grandmother who liked to try and make life a little easier for me. When she was in charge, she would go out of her way to make sure I had matching plates and a big party with my friends. She spent hours cooking, and a lot of her very hard earned money on me. I never realized those things until I was much older, but I was still more grateful of her special get togethers than anything else I ever experienced.

For instance, one year, my mother was in charge. She "forgot" to send out invites, and by forgot I mean she got to high to, so we had to call everyone to tell them when it was and most people forgot or couldn't go on such short notice. So I only ended up with two friends at my house. None of my family showed up except for one cousin whom I'm close with, to wish me happy birthday. But of course she was a teenager at the time, and had more important things to do, so I was left with my two friends and my sisters and my brother.

One of my former friends was molested by her father and brother, and also beaten by her mother, so she didn't get to stay very long. She brought me a gift, it was a colored picture. I remember how much I appreciated that.

My other friend and I tried to enjoy ourselves. We did each others make up, I got a a chemical burn from that...that my mother told me to just walk off. So we washed our faces off, and tried dress up. I got screamed at by my mother, because we borrowed her dresses. I was ten so I guess I should have asked, but she told me I was getting a smack for that shit later. Before she saw us in our dresses of choice we were learning/teaching each other dance moves from the latest Spice Girls music video from TRL...which we adored. But I was short, and stepping on the dress, so I'm pretty sure my mother wanted to kill me at that point. She sent my friend home after we ate pizza.

My friend with the Spice Girls moves lived behind us at the time. She was cool as hell, and actually gave me a really neat card with something motivational written on the inside that I later got smacked for. My mother didn't think I should be spreading "our dirty laundry" about, and that I was singing a "poor me" song to the neighborhood. She also gave me money, twenty dollars, that my mother pocketed.

So what did I get for this birthday? Ten years old. I got a bunch of smacks, some emotional abuse, a half-assed party with pizza, and a couple birthday wishes. I was grounded too, and told I couldn't hang out with that cool girl anymore.

It wasn't until AFTER my birthday that I was able to visit my grandmother this year, and she had spoiled me with presents and loves. But my birthday was pure hell, as it tends to be. I have a pretty decently sized family, and most people tend to just FORGET my birthday all together. Then I'll see them down the line and I'll get 'omg didn't your birthday just pass?' or 'how did your birthday go? sorry I missed it.' You're not sorry, and you're fake. My birthday was hell, thank you for asking. It's funny because there are literally three other relatives that share a birthday month with me, and the only time anyone can seem to remember (that bastards) my birthday is when its lumped together in someoneelse's.

This is the part of the post where I would like to cordially tell every parent who has made siblings, cousins, or anything of the like SHARE a birthday--and they are NOT twins or DO NOT even share a birthDAY as one another, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you. From the bottom of my fucking heart fuck you. I felt belittled and like my day never mattered, like I never mattered....and even when these events were half-assed and thrown together--I NEVER once had a friend present and I hated it. Everyone was either too young or too old, so fuck you.

You only get one birthday. You only get THAT day. You have ONE DAY to feel special. Do not let ANYONE make you feel like trash on that day. It is truly heartbreaking. I can't really express in words how it made me feel for years. I felt like no one. I felt invisible. I was the bastard and you know what I STILL AM--but FUCK them. July 12th is my day, and heavens be damned, I'm going to make it shine rainbows all damn day long.



Thanks for reading! Happy Trails!! xox

*~DaniiGrimm~*


PS.

Last year around this time, my two favorite boys made me feel special. It's going to be something that I remember for the REST of my life. It may be 40+ years it may be less, but no matter what--I always look back at this and smile.

For just a minute I was special to not one, but two people. Two people that matter very much to me. No one will ever truly understands what that means to me.

My goal this year?

To hug ~~~~~>

This gorgeous man's wife. Because she is just as beautiful a soul as he is. I cannot wait to spend the entire day sweating my ass off at Disrupt Fest, to see one of my favorite people ever.

If I keep having birthday's like this, I'm going to have to change the mood of my writing each year--but hey, NO complaints there! I SURE could use the relief!

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See you tomorrow for another birthday memory. Five more days til the 12th! peace, love, and marshmallows.

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