Blog #3: With Every Obstacle There is an Opportunity.

I want to begin today’s blog of course with a big HAPPY FATHERS DAY to my husband @raithmourn because today is about all the #daddies and well, he’s #1 daddy in my book. Without him I wouldn’t have my daughter, something that I never thought that I would do mind you. But yeah, it’s funny how life does things like that to you right? I started out twelve states away from where I am at, and this is where I had to come in order to spring the seed of life that made my daughter. It took a lot of struggle, pain, sweat, and tears to get here--but in the end it was worth every fucking second. And that is truly saying something. Maybe one day, Ill share the clusterfuck that was my childhood--but not today! Today, is a good day. We woke up, there is air in all of our lungs because we’re here--and we’re reading. So let’s do this. HAPPY FATHERS day to all the daddies, and to my hunny. I love you my Raggedy Andy.

OMFG THIS THING IS FROM WALMART YALL....

With that being said.....I’m going to now take a brief moment to fangirl SUPER HARD. THERE are TWELVE, that’s right--12 days til I am in front of @blackveilbrides​ at the #vanswarpedtour and I could not be more excited! I hear the weather in the valley is terribly humid, that there have been dust storms and oh HALLO MONSOON SEASON. So yeah, we’re used to that--we lived there for seven years. I’m pretty sure we can handle one day of ALL THE FUCKING MUSICS. I know I mentioned Black Veil Brides but I love them the most. Sorry. I am also looking forward to Simple Plan which I saw earlier this year (and MET OMFG HAI PIERRE!). But I’m also looking forward to seeing some bands Ive never seen live before like falling in reverse, waterparks, trashboat, etc....the list literally could go on and fucking on because the line up is so incredibly amazing this year. Oh, and now that I’ve hardcore fangirled for yall I figure why not toss in a HAPPY INTERNATIONAL BLACK VEIL BRIDES DAY to you all. Never knew that was a thing til today, but HEY can’t say I DONT approve, because well....let’s face it....I want every day to be international black veil brides day--why not? 

Alright let’s get to the bulk of this post shall we? For a week straight I had the looming anxiety of a mammogram and an appointment because a nurse found a lump in my breasts. LOOOOOONG story short? I am cancer free and those lumps she found were just liquid filled cysts I was told to “keep an eye on”. Hold up. Rewind. Back the fuck up. Keep an eye on cycts that are super deep in my boob that I literally have to fish for? Something that literally took you 34 minutes to locate on a fucking ultrasound machine? HOW?! Am I supposed to get a home ultrasound machine? Give myself regular checkups? *smdh* that being said (and NO I will not be getting a fucking ultrasound machine), everything seems fine. 

Let’s get into the longer story now. 

I woke up that morning with anxiety but still managed to get ready and go to my appointment. By get ready and go I do not mean I did my hair and make up etc because I could not do those things they specifically told me not to wear makeup or any product. And by go, I cannot simply just walk out into my driveway and get into my car to go. I journeyed on the Flagstaff FUTS through the woods and billowing minerals, to a place two miles away by the hospital. Most of the trek was up hill in 20 mph winds mind you, that was real fun! especially when I reached the top and the billowing mineral mountain (courtesy of the city of flagstaff workers) started spilling into our faces! Anyway, I digress, I walked the rest of the way--and almost got hit by a courteous flagstaff patron who told me to basically fuck myself because he didn’t warn me he was coming loud enough (because the wind was going 20mph) so he thought it was sufficient enough to just mow me and my family down. When we finally got there we waited a bit in the waiting area and I was escorted into the back. Usually I bring my husband with me as my anxiety rock, but they wouldn’t allow him in the back because women were “under dressed.” but this was a radiology clinic so....there were more than just women that came. And it also sparked the question deep inside of, what do men who have breast cancer do? Do they not get to have a mammogram in the back here simply because they have a penis? Strange. I was escorted to an area to change, where I changed quickly. Then brought back to the machine, which was scary and giant. It loomed over my 5′1′’ self and the mashy glass plate stared me in the eye like--”Im comin for yo girlz an imma fuck shit up, you have no idea.” So the nurse explained everything to me, marked my breast with a permanent marker which made me just--like, really? You gotta put perma marker on my tit? Then we mashed my titties for like 15 minutes and four pictures. IT was awful. MASH is an understatement guys, for real. It’s super unpleasant. And the amount of times she asked me to hold my breath when I had just awkwardly let go of all my air? Were just....more than I could bare because well, we had to to take more fucking pictures and I had to stay connected to a machine that literally had me clasped by the tit. When I was finished in there, I was led back to the place I was changed in and told I was going to go to a ultrasound afterward to make sure everything was honky dory and to hold up on changing so I waited. Another lady came to collect me and brought me to the ultra sound which wasn’t anything I hadn’t done before, so I was finally relaxed. She did poke at my tits for like forty minutes, then when she was done taking pictures she got the doctor. By getting the doctor I mean she had to “find” him. The radiology clinic, lost the fucking doctor. Okay twenty more minutes of waiting means I bit off ALL my nails by now. AND “Hi I’m Dr Gallows.” Okay. So he pokes at my breasts for another twentyfive minutes to tell me that I have cysts and to keep an eye on them. Mind you he had me lying down, and sitting up, and was looking all around at them. It was very strange. I was happy when it was all over, but still had to walk the two miles back home. That was fine though, most of that was down hill, and the mineral mountain had stopped blowing as much because a small rain passed through and the wind had died down a bit. 

All in all it was a successful mission, one that proved to me that I am going to stick around a lot longer than expected and that’s great! More time with my daughter is a gold star in my book! And that’s what this day was. I hate doctors, I hate hospitals and tests, and I was filled with anxiety--but it is done and now I don’t have to worry about it til something else happens, cos well--c’est la vie.

I have been keeping us on a healthy balanced diet all week. No slip ups--even our ice cream has been coconut milk and ANY/ALL of the meat we consumed was grassfed/organic meat. I didn’t bother posting pictures to my social medias of any repeats that I made or anything containing meat. But if yall want the meaty dishes--I’ll include them just drop a line on any of the social networks and Ill squeeze it in.

Nothing really more to report on our front here, other than I have plans later this week to head to Sally’s Beauty Supply for some more hairdye so yall can keep an eye out for that. And I have been planning my warped tour outfit for two fucking weeks so.....look out for pictures of that. Not only that, but in the official warped rules it doesn’t say anywhere that I can’t bring my gopro camera. SO we will film until that thing dies (and the external batteries we have which is two LOL!) so keep an eye out for that as well! Still workin’ on getting the patreon rolling, but Ill be sure to let everyone know when that is up as well. Thank you for following along ghouls! Join me next Sunday (a bit earlier) for some more glimpses into my life through the Diary of Danii_Grimm.

–Danii Grimm  xoxo

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Stay tuned!